From Matt Gullett at Between Silicon and Soul

The “alien post” moment

A high school teacher told me about a student who sheepishly admitted: “I don’t even remember posting that last night. But everyone saw it.” The post wasn’t terrible—just clumsy, a little too raw, the kind of thing that follows you in hallways for weeks.

Parents have similar stories. A teen racks up in-app purchases they swear they don’t recall. A college student shops at 2 a.m. and wonders, the next morning, “Why on earth did I order three phone cases?” Adults aren’t immune either—many of us wake up to a shopping cart or late-night message that feels… off.

Neuroscientists call this digital sleepwalking: a twilight state where the brain is technically awake, but memory encoding and executive function sag under fatigue. You can act—scroll, shop, DM—but without full agency. I call this the problem of agency under fatigue.

Why this matters for families and schools

Identity at stake
A teen’s digital footprint may contain choices they don’t even remember making. Posts, likes, DMs—each carries consequences, even if the author barely recalls writing them.
Learning disrupted
Sleepwalking through homework or late-night study undermines memory encoding. That means hours logged in front of a screen may not translate into actual retention.
Accountability gaps
Parents and teachers face tricky questions: if a student doesn’t remember posting, does that lessen responsibility? And how do you guide when agency was never fully present?
Emotional wellbeing
Regret—waking up to “alien” choices—breeds shame. Over time, shame erodes confidence and creates a cycle of hiding, not healing.

Equipping kids, students, and ourselves

Language first: name the state

Calling it “digital sleepwalking” helps shift the conversation from “What’s wrong with me?” to “This is what happens to brains when tired and online.” It reduces stigma and opens dialogue.

Practical nudges that help

Delayed posts or purchases: Tools that queue late-night actions for review in the morning.
Sleep-friendly device settings: DND modes, screen time limits, warm-light filters that nudge toward rest.
Reflection prompts: Apps that ask, “Do you want to see this tomorrow?” before confirming.

Resilience training for kids and teens

Notice fatigue: Teach students to identify when their thinking feels fuzzy—just like we teach them to notice hunger or thirst.
Build routines: Anchor devices out of bedrooms, create “wind-down” rituals, model adult behavior.
Encourage recovery: Mistakes happen. Focus on fast repair (apologize, delete, adjust) rather than dwelling in shame.

Parental and educational modeling

Kids watch us. If adults are doomscrolling past midnight, messages about screen balance don’t land. Practicing our own guardrails—charging phones outside the bedroom, delaying big purchases until morning—turns guidance into credibility.

The meta-skill for life: protecting agency under fatigue

This isn’t just a teen issue—it’s a human one. The skill isn’t avoiding screens altogether. It’s recognizing when our decision quality collapses with tiredness and building guardrails before regret sets in.

For parents, that might mean reframing discipline: “You weren’t thinking clearly last night. Let’s talk about tools to prevent this again,” instead of “You’re irresponsible.”

For educators, it might mean incorporating digital literacy modules that treat fatigue as part of the learning environment.

For individuals, it’s the humility of saying: “I don’t shop or post when I’m this tired.”

The bottom line

Digital sleepwalking is becoming a common thread in modern family life. It’s not a moral failure. It’s biology meeting design. But the consequences are real: identities shaped in half-conscious states, homework hours wasted, posts regretted.

Our job—parents, educators, individuals alike—is to teach and practice the meta-skill of guarding agency under fatigue. Because the moments we don’t remember still leave footprints. And the best way forward isn’t fear—it’s awareness, empathy, and better tools.